Monday, March 2, 2009

Yes, I Ate the Last Slice of Pizza

Hey, has anybody noticed that our music scene is saturated with stick figures? That's right, I mean all those kids who look like they haven't eaten in about three years. Honestly, half the bands out there look like Kate Moss with tattoos. It's lame. Where's the love for us scene-sters with a little bit of extra around the mid section?

Well, as a dismayed music lover I have chosen to take a look around the business and find some awesome musicians who not only wear size XL tee-shirts, but freakin' rock too.

The first dude to come to mind is obviously Fat Mike from NOFX. He's an original.
Seriously, he was hefty before it was even popular to be skinny. NOFX has been around since 1983, and since then Fat Mike has been a vocal advocate for drinking in excess, eating too much and genuinely being lazy. A fat kid's paradise. He doesn't look like a rock-star, but he sure as hell lives the lifestyle. And even better, he's not ashamed of his weight. I mean, he's called Fat Mike!

Still need some convincing that it's okay to carry that spare tire around to the local shows?

Okay, well take a look at New Found Glory's bassist Ian Grushka. I don't know if anyone has ever seen him play with a shirt on. And frankly, it might be easier on the eyes if he did. He is by no means small, but it's cool. We've still got mad love, Ian. Seriously, who can't respect a dude who will play bass in the snow half-naked? Especially when he represents those of us that have bulked up a bit for the winter. Hell yea dude. 

Hey drummers, don't think I've forgotten about you. Not everyone can be as small as Travis Barker. Case-in-point: Brandon Saller from Atreyu and Brandon Barnes of Rise Against. (note - being named Brandon does not automatically make you fat, nor does it mean you're good at drumming - they're two things you've really got to work on) Anyway, these dudes freakin' own on the skins, and they're not sticks. (pun intended) Plus they're both married. Finally, some hope that girls actually like normal looking guys. Yes! Personal win.

So there you have it. Chunky people can still rock. Don't get too down on yourself kids. If you're like me, and had to shop for "husky-sized" jeans with your mom when you were little, you now know there's hope. Besides, in a scene that prides itself on individuality, we're going to be the only ones who don't look like everyone else. With that said, I'm going to have a bowl of ice cream in bed and work on my figure. Now that's punk-rock.

1 comment:

  1. You forgot that guy from bowling for soup.


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